You are not broken.

Thriving with Deanna / Mindset  / You are not broken.

You are not broken.

I recently posted the following on Instagram (come follow me):


Be sure to read the caption as well…  That’s right!  You’re not broken; therefore, you don’t need fixing!  Please let that soak in.  Don’t just skim it and move on.  Linger on those words for a bit!


We live during a time when many of us constantly seem to be STRIVING!  In fact, as a side note, I created my Instagram handle over 5 years ago: @Strive_to_Thrive.  I considered naming my website the same, but something just didn’t sit well with me around that word strive anymore.  Let’s look at it’s definition…


According to, striving means:

  1.   To exert much effort or energy. 
  2.   To struggle or fight forcefully. 


Back when I created the handle, I was struggling and fighting with much effort, especially in my healing journey!  I thought that’s what I needed to do to heal.  Today, however, I try to embrace a new concept.  Check out my post, “Why Am I Struggling?” to hear more about it.


So, in regards to my website, I obviously opted for a different name, so as not to perpetuate a sense of forceful fighting against anything.  Sooner rather than later, I will be changing my Instagram handle to match my website name, and my outlook, as well.


However, as you can see, I haven’t always come from a place of embrace.  Even now I don’t always get that just right.  However, like I tell my children all the time, we learn from our “mistakes.”  That’s where our biggest growth often comes from.


So, as I mentioned, I feel like we seem to be pushed to persistently strive for more in all areas of our lives, such as to: get fitter, get leaner, get promoted, be more like {insert actor/actress, model, athlete name}, participate in more, make bigger goals, get healthier, etc.   I have NOTHING wrong with having goals.  In fact I’m a huge promoter of them.

But how are we approaching them?

Are these things we are truly passionate about?

Or are we doing them because we feel like we have to?

And are we dividing our time and focus among too many goals?

Are we coming from a place of believing we are currently broken and need to “fix” ourselves?


Did you know that when you notice something and create a thought around it, your subconscious will look for all the reasons in your past (and present) to confirm that idea for you?  Okay- let me use an example.  You look at your friend who is having some amazing career success.  You start comparing yourself and thinking about how you’ll never be able to achieve the same success due to (excuses) x, y, and z.  You also begin to think about what a failure you are and how you’ve failed at everything you’ve attempted.  Your subconscious then pulls up the negatively associated memories you have of times you’ve tried something and it didn’t work out quite the way you intended.  Yep, failure!  And it pulls up all of the other times you’ve used the same excuses and confirms those for you as well!   It also starts finding current situations to affirm your beliefs!


Hold up!!!  Let’s do that differently!


This time you think to yourself, “You know, I’m so proud of him/her.  I, too, can have great success!”  And your mind starts seeking examples of how you’ve succeeded in the past, how you’ve been creative and forward thinking.  And now, rather than feeling like you need FIXING, you feel passionate and excited about what you can do!  See how this is less striving, more desire?


Let’s do another example…


You’re standing in the mirror getting ready to go out.  You catch a full glimpse of yourself and you start with the insults.  “Ugh, look at my thighs and all this cellulite here. I’m so fat!”  Your subconscious goes back to all the other times you’ve told yourself these things or you’ve thought someone else was judging you in these ways and validates everything you’re thinking.  It proves you right, just the way you asked for it.




What if we do something different when we start to pass judgment on ourselves this way?  What if we shift our memory to something really happy from our past?  Or we look for something we love about our body and remind ourselves how much love and appreciation we have for all our bodies do for us?  What do you think our subconscious would do then?  Right, it would call up all those ways in which, say, your thighs have helped you to walk, run, and jump in the past!  And what do you think would automatically come with that?  Of course the joyful, strong, energetic memories in which they were doing this for you.  Isn’t that the type of thought pattern we want to evoke?!


Making these shifts helps to prime our brain for thinking this way in the future as well.  It takes time for our synaptic wiring to change, so be patient, consistent and persistent in this process.  And remember, as Ritu Ghatourey wisely said,


Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds.


What’s your choice?


Dr. Wayne Dwyer also had some valuable wisdom when he said,


What you fight weakens you; what you cooperate with strengthens you.


So, if we continue to think and act in the belief that we are broken and need fixing, what do you think our subconscious will do?  Yes, reaffirm those ideas for us, and weaken us!  There’s no better time than now to change that!  So, let’s stop STRIVING (fighting and struggling), and do more ALLOWING and LOVING (building real strength)!  Let’s find ways for us to affirm ourselves and move forward with passionate desire!





Deanna Wilcox

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